Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
