Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
