Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
