yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
