Tell her she can't have a vagina
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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