It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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