I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
