i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
