hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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