I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
