No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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