Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
