I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
