and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
