Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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