I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
