So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
40s are totally the cure
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
