She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
