wat bout pragnant strippers??
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
did i just pee glitter
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
