Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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