Your dad touched me again.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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