What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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