I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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