I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
