Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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