i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
