Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
