we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
