I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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