Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
