Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize