Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
