sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
