I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
