so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
