call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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