a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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