Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
