My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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