Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
