If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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