I'm gonna have a badass scar
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
