Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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