her vagine was all disorganized.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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