At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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