Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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