Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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