"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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