the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
