and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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