i was born a porn star she said
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
