I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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