i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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