The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
