nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
