Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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