i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize