life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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