He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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