Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
