Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
