I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
