Kiss
Puke
I could make wine with my vomit
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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