I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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