ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
