I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
