I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
