It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
