My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
