I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
